Monday, October 24, 2016

Jack Reacher 2: Never Go Back Review

You all wanted a sequel to Tom Cruise's first Jack Reacher movie, right?  No?  Well too bad you got one anyway.  It's called Jack Reacher: Never Go Back, and surprisingly enough, the trailers made it seem like it could be a pretty awesome movie.

Unfortunately we all know a cool trailer does not automatically make for a good movie, which is what you have me for.  Was this a movie worth seeing, or would it have been better if Jack Reacher never went there in the first place?  Check out my review:

Tuesday, October 4, 2016

Deepwater Horizon Review

A few years ago a drilling rig in the Gulf of Mexico called Deepwater Horizon blew up, killing 11 people and dumping tons of oil into the Gulf.  Now they decided to make a movie about that, starring Mark Wahlberg of all people.

I went into Deepwater Horizon thinking it was probably going to be pretty terrible.  Was my skepticism justified? Well, you'll have to listen to the review to find out.

Monday, September 26, 2016

The Magnificent Seven (2016) Review

It's remake inception this weekend, as they released a remake of The Magnificent Seven, which itself was a Western remake of Akira Kurosawa's Seven Samurai.  My friend Allan Bourdius of calls this new one "The Suitably Multicultural Seven", since this one features a cast that looks like it was handpicked by an SJW statistician.

Still, it's hard to imagine where you'd go wrong putting Denzel Washington at the head of anything, and it's hard to think of anyone better suited to play Steve McQueen to his Yul Brenner than Chris Pratt.

But, is their combined charisma enough to save this from being yet another garbage remake of a better movie? Is the multicultural cast a warning sign of an SJW-panderfest?  Check out my review to find out:

Saturday, September 17, 2016

Sully Review

For some reason Clint Eastwood really wanted to make a movie about Captain Chesley Sullenberger, the guy who landed a plane on the Hudson River after a bird strike took out both engines on takeoff.  It became known as the Miracle on the Hudson since every single person on the plane lived to tell the tale and "Sully" was rightfully crowned a hero.

Eastwood apparently waited some time to make this movie because he wanted Tom Hanks for the lead, but was Sully it worth the wait? Here's what I thought:

Sunday, August 7, 2016

Suicide Squad Review

The DC live-action movie universe hasn't exactly gotten off to a great start.  After two movies featuring some of the most well-known heroes in the history of planet Earth (that pretty thoroughly sucked), they put together one that goes in an entirely different direction. This time they gathered up some of the lesser villains of the DC universe for an anti-hero flick called Suicide Squad, where a ragtag bunch of rogues gets turned into a team of extraordinary yet entirely expendable people Amanda Waller can throw at any problem that suits her.

Early critics absolutely savaged this movie, even worse than Batman v Superman.  Sure it's a Guardians of the Galaxy wannabe, but is it really as bad as Fant4stic like they're saying?  Because, to quote Jared Leto's new Joker, that movie hurt people really, really bad.

Well, pull up a chair and I'll tell you whether or not this is just another gallon of gas on the DCU dumpster fire or an actually fun time at the cinema:

Monday, August 1, 2016

Jason Bourne Review

Anyone else getting tired of pointless sequels?  The Bourne Identity is one of those movies that wraps up perfectly neatly but since it was such a surprise hit we're now on its fifth installment.  They even managed to drag Matt Damon back into it after trying to hand the franchise off to Jeremey Renner.

I guess they wanted to make that really clear to the audience too, since instead of calling this The Bourne Ascendency or something, they stuck with the simpler, Jason Bourne.  "You guys love this franchise! It's back! Matt Damon! Please God give us your money!"

So, is Jason Bourne the refreshing return of an awesome character, or a final mutilation of an already thoroughly beaten horse?  Here's what I thought:

Monday, July 25, 2016

Star Trek Beyond Review

It's no secret I'm not a fan of J.J. Abram's reboot of Star Trek.  Not only did it turn the franchise into incredibly generic and brain-dead action movies, but as movies go they're pretty terrible once you see through the extremely fast pace that keeps people from realizing how stupid everything is.

Of course they're also written by Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman, who are the total and complete hacks behind such other well-written movies like...Transformers. Beyond, however, has been written mostly by Simon Pegg, and Justin Lin from the Fast and Furious franchise has come on board to direct, probably because Paramount didn't want to spend any more money on Lasik for the editing/CGI teams going blind adding JJ's trademark lens flare all over the place.

The question is, did that improve things or not?  Here's what I thought: