Sunday, August 7, 2016

Suicide Squad Review

The DC live-action movie universe hasn't exactly gotten off to a great start.  After two movies featuring some of the most well-known heroes in the history of planet Earth (that pretty thoroughly sucked), they put together one that goes in an entirely different direction. This time they gathered up some of the lesser villains of the DC universe for an anti-hero flick called Suicide Squad, where a ragtag bunch of rogues gets turned into a team of extraordinary yet entirely expendable people Amanda Waller can throw at any problem that suits her.

Early critics absolutely savaged this movie, even worse than Batman v Superman.  Sure it's a Guardians of the Galaxy wannabe, but is it really as bad as Fant4stic like they're saying?  Because, to quote Jared Leto's new Joker, that movie hurt people really, really bad.

Well, pull up a chair and I'll tell you whether or not this is just another gallon of gas on the DCU dumpster fire or an actually fun time at the cinema:




Monday, August 1, 2016

Jason Bourne Review

Anyone else getting tired of pointless sequels?  The Bourne Identity is one of those movies that wraps up perfectly neatly but since it was such a surprise hit we're now on its fifth installment.  They even managed to drag Matt Damon back into it after trying to hand the franchise off to Jeremey Renner.

I guess they wanted to make that really clear to the audience too, since instead of calling this The Bourne Ascendency or something, they stuck with the simpler, Jason Bourne.  "You guys love this franchise! It's back! Matt Damon! Please God give us your money!"

So, is Jason Bourne the refreshing return of an awesome character, or a final mutilation of an already thoroughly beaten horse?  Here's what I thought:



Monday, July 25, 2016

Star Trek Beyond Review

It's no secret I'm not a fan of J.J. Abram's reboot of Star Trek.  Not only did it turn the franchise into incredibly generic and brain-dead action movies, but as movies go they're pretty terrible once you see through the extremely fast pace that keeps people from realizing how stupid everything is.

Of course they're also written by Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman, who are the total and complete hacks behind such other well-written movies like...Transformers. Beyond, however, has been written mostly by Simon Pegg, and Justin Lin from the Fast and Furious franchise has come on board to direct, probably because Paramount didn't want to spend any more money on Lasik for the editing/CGI teams going blind adding JJ's trademark lens flare all over the place.

The question is, did that improve things or not?  Here's what I thought:
 

Sunday, July 10, 2016

So Sulu Is Gay Now...

The people behind Star Trek Beyond have added another reason for Star Trek fans who are already upset at either the way the reboot treats the characters or CBS/Paramount's treatment of fan film projects to skip their film: they've arbitrarily made Sulu gay in homage to George Takei.

Interestingly enough, he didn't care for it.  Here's what I thought about the whole thing:

Sunday, July 3, 2016

The Legend of Tarzan Review

Hey look they made a new Tarzan movie.  Even though Hollywood has been digging up and repurposing every franchise they can find, I'm still kind of impressed they remembered he existed.

So how does Tarzan stack up when you can use modern dieting and exercise methods to get the perfect ripped body and then combine it with the latest in CGI animals? Check out my review to find out:


Saturday, June 25, 2016

Independence Day: Resurgence Review

The made a sequel to Independence Day.  Apparently Emmerich was actually paid to write a sequel immediately after it came out, but he thought the script sucked so he gave the money back and shelved it. 

So did it take him 20 years to finally come up with a phenomenal script that he didn't want to stick in a drawer, or is this movie just another shameless cash grab?  Here's what I thought:




Saturday, June 18, 2016

New Movie Reviews: Central Intelligence and X-men: Apocalypse

The Youtube shenanigans continue. Last week I put up my review of X-men: Apocalypse:



...and this weekend I took in the Rock/Kevin Hart buddy cop movie, Central Intelligence.