Skyscraper Review

Let's face it, the only reason anyone has any interest in Skyscraper is because it stars Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. Otherwise we'd all take one look at this Die Hard meets Towering Inferno homage and laugh it straight to "looking for something to fall asleep to on Netflix at 1 AM."

But The Rock tends to make good, fun movies out of all kinds of stuff. Hell he made a Jumanji sequel that was one of the most surprisingly enjoyable movies of last year. Of course the last movie I saw him in was Rampage, and as I said in the review for that, he really let me down on that one. Since then I've also seen his version of Baywatch on TV and just...dear God why.

So naturally my normal enthusiasm for a Rock action movie was blunted quite a bit going into Skyscraper. My hope was that somehow he and his team would manage to do something fresh and original with this concept. Alas, there was absolutely nothing fresh or original to be found here. Let me tell you about all the ways Skyscraper falls down:

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Medieval Medicine

Medical treatment has had a long history of evolution, and for quite a bit of it, going to a doctor was often worse than simply dying. With little to no understanding of how the body worked or the microscopic organisms that could poison it, doctors often relied on religion and superstition to discern treatment. Consider the Dark Ages, wherein disease was considered caused by evil spirits. The Cure? Prayer. Blood-letting. Drilling holes in the skull to let the demon out. That kind of thought persisted well into the 19th century. Even by the American Civil War, doctors were still often little more than butchers and charlatans. A soldier who took a bullet in a limb could reasonably expect to have his limb hacked off with a dull blade that just came out of the leg of someone with gangrene and no anesthesia to speak of. The lucky ones got a sip of tequila or some other hard liquor. Many so-called doctors even traveled the country prescribing a variety of chemicals for ailments that ranged ...

The Life of Julianne

The President's campaign has created The Life of Julia to tell the tale of a woman's life as it is affected by his policies. Here is the story of Julianne, the conservative alternative to Julia. The Life of Julianne 3 Years Old Julianne's parents read to her every night. They take time to play games with her that teach her how to count and how to solve problems. When they enroll her in kindergarten she's ready to learn and succeed. 17 Years Old Julianne excels in school thanks to her parents' active involvement in her life. Her mother is a stay at home mom that carefully monitors Julianne's homework and grades throughout her scholastic tenure. Her father takes practice SAT tests with her and encourages her to work hard. 18 Years Old Julianne's parents have put part of their yearly salary towards a college fund for her ever since she was born. They also encouraged her to get a part-time job in high school and required her to contribute pa...

Nature's Rules

The Crane Technique Most people remember Mr. Miyagi for his famous "wax on, wax off" training method, but the Karate master gave Daniel-san lots of sage wisdom about all facets of life in The Karate Kid, including one gem that has particular relevance to yesterday's Health Care Summit. You see Daniel was always in a rush to learn, and even though he had barely grasped the basics of how to throw a punch, Daniel immediately asked to be taught the advanced Crane technique when he saw Mr. Miyagi performing it on the beach. In response, Mr. Miyagi chuckled and admonished him, "First learn stand, then learn fly. Nature rule Daniel-san, not mine." Like Daniel, President Obama and the Democrats are perpetually in a rush to do everything, and they always want to do the biggest thing they can. Yesterday at the Health Care Summit, the President once again reiterated his resistance to smaller and more incremental steps towards health care reform by saying, "baby steps ...

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