Friday, July 31, 2009

Caption Contest



"That's the promise of America - the idea that we are responsible for ourselves, but that we also rise or fall as one nation; the fundamental belief that I am my brother's keeper; I am my sister's keeper."
-Barack Obama


Apparently, that does not include helping an old man down the steps of your house.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Beer Summit


Look at this picture. Don't these three look relaxed? You'd never guess that one of them arrested one of them, one of them called the one doing the arresting a racist, and the other one called the arresting officer stupid and racist.

Now, I could get into the stuff that people have gone over all day long about what this means in terms of race or how this is getting too much coverage etc., but my question is...

...where's the urgency? After all, President Obama has declared that health care must be passed immediately or Americans will die from lack of health care and other Americans will go bankrupt from the cost. The President has already gone so far as to say the time for debate was over.

If that's the case, why does the President have time to sit around enjoying a beer with a couple of guys he doesn't know just because he needs to do a little ass-covering? His health care bill is imploding in both the House and the Senate as Democrats tear viscious chunks out of one another in an attempt to gain superiority, and his self-imposed deadline comes up tomorrow. Should not the President be rushing around twisting arms and using the power of his eloquence to get everyone pointed in the same direction? Clearly the President is so unconcerned that even Joe Biden had time to sit down and have a drink, as he was at the so-called "Beer Summit" as well, though not in this photograph.

Also related to health care, isn't it just a tad ironic that the same man demanding Americans change their routines and habits to become healthier so as to reduce health care costs suggested sharing alcoholic beverages with Gates and Crowley? Couldn't the White House kitchen rustle up some lemonade or something less damaging to the liver?

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

At Least Lie To Us

For the last six months, massive spending programs have gotten fast-tracked through Congress despite massive opposition from the average American. These bills have been thousands of loose pages paper-clipped together at 3:00 AM and voted on by the afternoon. In the case of the Cap and Trade bill, one 300 page amendment did not even have a hard copy ready in time for voting. The Congress literally voted on an unfinished bill.

But, as outrageous as that is, the Congress at least had the common decency to continue the charade that they actually do real work in Washington. It's been a game for years. Those elected to political office smile and wave at the camera, nod their heads understandingly, and tell us how they really do care about our problems. They shake our claws firmly and promise to head back to Washington and get that done for us...

...and then they get into a private jet, smoke a cigar, and fly to their summer home on Martha's Vineyard.

But no, now that facade is gone thanks to Representative John Conyers (D-MI), who has decided that reading the legislation is just not worth it:





"What good is reading the bill if it’s a thousand pages and you don’t have two days and two lawyers to find out what it means after you read the bill? "

Well John, the "good" is that it's your job. I'm a busy guy. I have to star in blockbuster movies and TV shows. I've got to pose for paintings and help get my relatives set up properly in museums. I do not have time to propose, draft, or read legislation. That is why I vote for representatives like yourself to head down to Washington to handle that on my behalf.

C'mon John, at least LIE TO ME. Has it gotten so bad down there that these people don't even think the appearance of propriety is required? Is a T-Rex going to have to chomp a Congressman?

What Are We? Pirates?

Again today I heard a commentator on the news use the phrase "blood and treasure" to describe what we have spent/lost in Iraq. I, for one, cannot stand this euphemism. It's "blood and money." "Treasure" is something for which you go hunting. "Treasure" is something you find in a sunken ship or an Egyptian burial vault.

Seriously, do American Navy captains hoist the black flag and sail about looting and plundering every merchant vessel they see? Did the Coast Guard run across one of those sunken Nazi subs full of gold meant for the Japanese? Did a subway engineer blast through the rock into the Founding Fathers' secret stash under Wall St.? Did an American soldier dig up a bunch of doubloons in the Iraqi desert? Where did all this "treasure" we spent come from?

Money does not become treasure until it's been loaded onto a Spanish Galleon and hidden away in a cave by a one-eyed pirate for a ragtag bunch of kids to find. So please folks, stop using the word "treasure" when you mean "money."

Monday, July 27, 2009

Hype and Chains: The Real Obama Administration

Hope and change: two words that came to embody the campaign of Barack Obama. It was believed that Mr. Obama would bring hope to the needy and the downtrodden, and change to the marginalized, the poor, and the pained. Of course, at the time many of us wondered if the promise of these things was quite simply: too good to be true.

Though we are only six months into his administration, it seems that our apprehensions were entirely too correct. Instead it appears that all of the talk about Obama being some sort of post-racial Messiah sent to save us from our own short-sightedness is merely an awful lot of hype. And the change promised by Obama? It weighs down the future of every man, woman, child, or business that ever believed they could become something more like a ball and chain clamped to their ankle.

The Obama Administration speaks of restoring relations with the world, and yet they continue to bungle diplomatic events with wrongly-encoded DVDs and mistranslated buttons. Obama's spent his time abroad bowing and apologizing to the other nations only to have his meager requests of them laughed off. Meanwhile, those enemies who have emulated my raptor friends from Jurassic Park in poking and prodding at our defenses have used the weakness discovered in this new administration to take swipes at our now-exposed underbelly.

Instead of helping to bring change to an Iranian people longing to be free of a corrupt and oppressive government, the Obama Administration stood with its nose upturned as though it was none of our business, despite the protestors' desperate attempts to use every means available to seek our support. In so doing, President Obama left the protestors yelping like dogs held back from their goals by their leashes.

Obama was described as a thoughtful leader who would surround himself with independent-minded, bi-partisan thinkers to solve the economic crisis. Instead, we see tax cheats, lobbyists, hyper-partisans, and radicals leading the charge on everything from the economy to health care, and unelected, never-vetted Czars in charge of major aspects of US policy.

The change he brought to our economy has come with the shackles imposed by accepting government funds. GM lost a CEO and control over their dealerships for their bailout money. Creditors lost their investments to union bosses. AIG employees lost their privacy. Even state governors have had the manacles slapped onto their wrists so that they can be force-fed the pork-fried Stimulus money.

Indeed, the Stimulus was touted as an instant solution to our economic woes, designed to "create or save" (a nonsensical euphemism if there ever was one) three to four million jobs. When unemployment continued to skyrocket and the economy failed to move in any direction but down, the administration had no choice but to walk back the hype in favor of whimpering that we all misunderstood, that the Stimulus was merely to blunt the sharp point of the recession and provide long term economic assistance.

And then there's health care. Obama has spent months on the stump trying desperately to make Americans believe that their health care is terrible, and that he and only he has the solution to their problem: a government option. President Obama is so certain of this that he believed he could drive it through Congress in a mere month, and certainly the power with which he has been embodied made this nearly believable. But, not only has he failed to meet that goal, he has lost total control of the issue as well, if he ever had it.

In the midst of his attempt to regain said control, President Obama knocked just that much more sparkle off his shiny facade by proving his post-racial identity to be merely more hype. He was quick to ally himself with the idea that the arrest of Professor Gates by Officer Crowley was both stupid and racially motivated in the same breath as his admission that he did not have all the facts.

Obama's change for Officer Crowley was to slap the cuffs of a racism accusation on the man and toss him to the rabid animals of the national media with whom not even this King Lizard would dare tangle.

So here we are, and like Jacob Marley moaning at Ebenezer Scrooge, I implore my fellow citizens to feel the weight of the links Obama is attaching to us. See through the glossy veneer of his polished exterior and realize that he is not about hope and change; he is about hype and chains.

Roar!

Welcome one and all to my domain.

Don't let the mouth full of steak knives bother you, I have established this place for us to get to know one another and for me to vent my frustrations upon something. I hope that you shall find my wisdom as the local King Lizard useful, enlightening, and amusing, and I look forward to devouring your...comments.

I expect to begin posting in earnest soon, so please return shortly to see more the of the meat and potatoes of what this blog will offer. Well...the potatoes anyway, I'm liable to eat the meat before you get here.