Wednesday, March 22, 2017

Beauty and the Beast (Live Action) Review

It seems the real magic of Disney is their ability to separate people from their money.  This time, rather than crack that Disney vault so every soccer mom in the country rushes to grab a Bluray of Beauty and the Beast, they got mom, dad, and their 2.5 kids out to the theater this weekend by remaking the movie entirely.

Of course it isn't the first time they've done this.  Last year the Mouse raked in an obscene amount of green with The Jungle Book in addition to the pallets of money they already get from having brought Marvel and Star Wars inside the castle.  They've also done Pete's Dragon, Cinderella, and a pseudo-Sleeping Beauty with Maleficent, and pretty much everything in the rest of the animated library is slated for its own live-action remake in the next few years, all of which are certain to go forward given this had record-breaking hauls this weekend.

Now I'm no fan of musicals so normally this isn't the kind of thing I'd go to see no matter how many people threw their money at the box office and raved about it afterwards, but I did grow up with the Disney animated movies so I hoped maybe this version of Beauty and the Beast had just enough of a nostalgia factor to get me over that hump.  After all they claimed they were trying to be extraordinarily faithful to a movie that I liked as a kid, even if it weren't my favorite, so that seems like a win-win, right?

Well, it turns out that some things simply can't be overcome by nostalgia alone. Let me explain:




Tuesday, March 14, 2017

Kong: Skull Island Review

As something of a giant monster myself, it was a foregone conclusion I'd get out to see Kong: Skull Island opening weekend.  Unfortunately, the last time my hairy friend got to appear on the big screen, he was murdering innocent dinosaurs just because some cute blonde showed him she could juggle.  Given what Hollywood has done to Godzilla in the past, I can't really blame the guy for that, so I had high hopes he'd find some redemption in this one.

From the trailers, it certainly appears they learned something from the painful slog that was Peter Jackson's King Kong, since it looks like my man gets to throw down early and often with everything from pesky humans to Godzilla-wannabes, with nary a dinosaur in sight.  Speaking of Gojira, that's actually the polar opposite of the last Godzilla movie, which I enjoyed thoroughly but was received poorly by a lot of people for not having enough Bryan Cranston or kaiju on kaiju action. 

So does this second entry in the giant monster movie universe Warner Bros. is putting together finally strike the right balance between characters and epic monster fights? Ehh, not so much.  Check out my review for more:




Thursday, March 9, 2017

Logan Review

When I first heard about Logan, needless to say I was skeptical.  Fox's history with superhero movies is not exactly stellar, and while some of the X-men films are at least watchable, they're still largely terrible movies, never mind good adaptations of the source material.  The fact that their second attempt at Deadpool openly mocks their first version is proof enough on that score, and Fox had to be dragged kicking and screaming into making the new one.

However, we can all agree that Hugh Jackman's portrayal of Wolverine was the shining light of the X-men movie universe, even if his previous two solo outings kind of sucked too.  Everyone likes him so much they even shoved him into X-men Apocalypse's CGI-fest to try and put something in that movie worth watching.  (Fun fact: X-men: Apocalypse was my first review on Youtube, and boy did I have plenty to be cranky about.)

After that stinker tanked, we heard Logan was going to step through the R-rated door opened by Deadpool. "This one is gonna be good," they said, "This one it's going to have all the bloody carnage that a guy with knives between his knuckles should cause.  It's even set in the future where he's old!"

So, did we end up with another Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice-style attempt to cash in on a trend? No, we got something damn near Oscar-worthy.  Let me tell you about it: