As I write this, the #NeverTrump hashtag has appeared and trended on Twitter, much to my amusement seeing as how this election started with people demanding Trump pledge to never ever ever go third party lest he split the Republican vote and give the election to the Democrats.The irony (and hypocrisy) is almost palpable.
You, dear reader, probably assumed based on my choice of title that I'm working up to say he's a charlatan and a wannabe despot and you shouldn't vote for him. "Tell your friends, tell your neighbors, Trump's the Nigerian Prince E-mail scam in the form of a politician!" But, no, I'm not. I don't have to, because I am quite certain neither the people who support Trump nor the people who are Trump-curious are confused as to who and what Trump is. It is one of the few things about this election of which I have been certain all along.
None of that matters of course, which is why I'm afraid that, like most everything that our politicians, pundits, and media personalities have said for probably two decades now, my title is a lie. Like Trump I roped you in with a provocative headline, and now I must say sorry, friend, I have no more warnings for you. Warnings are for things that can be prevented or avoided, and we are past that point now. (I'm sure if you're still reading my lowly blog, you took heed of the warning back in August anyway.)
The camps have dug in and refuse to budge. After years of "no", "stop", "please" and "don't", a huge chunk of the electorate finally settled on a simple "fuck you" to their abusers in the form of Donald Trump. Rather than ponder what it is that might have so many people willing to resort to such strong language and attempt to address and assuage their concerns, we got months and months of Trumpkins and Against Trump and now #NeverTrump. Or in other words the same "shut the fuck up before you embarrass us, you fucking idiots" that created Trump as a political entity in the first place. Bravo.
Not that some of us didn't try to get the point across (only to be repeatedly accused of loving Trump despite explicit statements to the contrary.) For me personally it's been like #GamerGate all over again:
"Hey, conservatives, this is important."
"Who cares? People who play video games are stupid. What we need is another 51 point plan to fix the economy or we're all doomed I tell you."
"WHAT ABOUT 51 POINT PLAN DID YOU NOT UNDERSTAND, MORON?!"
Then one day they wake up and wonder why Twitter is banning all their friends. Everybody's always gotta learn the hard way, I guess. (Including me, since I haven't learned to stop trying to help.)
So now all that's left is the messy divorce. On one side we'll have a group of stompy-foot moral scolds who worship at the altar of the bullshit word that is "conservatism" screaming about personality cults. On the other we'll have an angry, out of control mob cheering as Trump jumps up on the altar, pulls his pants down in full view of the whole word, and takes a giant steaming dump on it.
It's going to make the histrionics of #GamerGate, itself a truly magnificent spectacle, look like a Japanese tea ceremony. I mean hell, half the people I follow on Twitter hit full Godwin's Law months ago and just kept right on going into Ancient Aliens guy territory. Only a Nazi cultist idiot would ever disagree with me, after all.
Even I didn't think Trump would get this far, but by God the Smart Set just went and did everything humanly possible to antagonize people who were already pushed to the point of thinking Donald Trump was their best option. In their arrogance, they have created the very thing they feared.
But hey I hope they at least got to feed their egos fighting with professional Twitter trolls who were absolutely delighted to watch them waste their time trying to score points in a game nobody is actually playing. Perhaps my favorite example of just how oblivious the Smart Set is to the culture was watching Jonah Goldberg trying to tell Milo Yiannopoulos of all people that they're not trolls because even trolls wouldn't go to certain lengths. Milo, for those who don't know, is such a master of the art that he set up a scholarship exclusively for white boys just to tweak the Left.
This will make my fourth election where I've been told it's the "most. important. election. of. all. time." and "if we vote the wrong way we're all gonna die", by the way. In the last one, so dire was our predicament that I was begged to violate my personal principles to vote for a man I knew would lose because he was our only hope Obi-Wan Kenobi. Now that Prince Bush III's reign ended faster and more brutally than a Game of Thrones character, suddenly principles matter again. Funny how that works.
So now I'm all out of fucks to give for these hysterics. I don't know who will win nor ever claimed to (other than to say Jeb! was definitely DOA), and at this point I frankly don't care. I've half a mind to vote for Bernie or Hillary just because they're probably what we deserve now. Maybe then I won't ever have to hear about who's a "true conservative" or who is "destroying the conservative/Republican brand (which is about as popular as New Coke by the way)" ever again.
Let that sink in for a minute, Republicans and conservatives. You have driven me to consider voting for an outright socialist just to spite you. So congratulations, and good luck with that whole general election thing. I'm sure it'll work out great for you.